Humility

And what a glorious paradox, Father: the more we come alive to the riches of the gospel, the less we obsess about our own lives. We don’t end up thinking more of ourselves, or less of ourselves; we just think of ourselves less often.

Scotty Smith

Over the course of dead week, I have spent more time on Scotty Smith's Heavenward blog than I have on D2L. This is a problem for obvious reasons, but the above quote is one of more than a few reasons for why it's been worth it.

Here's a few sayings or verses I've heard in regards to humility over the years:

• It's not thinking little of yourself, its seeing yourself and others through Christ's eyes.
• Thinking little of yourself is still thinking frequently of yourself.
• God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

I'm sure there have been more, but those are some highlights. It's not that these aren't completely truth-based or correct descriptions of humility, its just that, until recently, they haven't made a lot of sense to me.

How exactly do you go about being humble, yet not thinking little of yourself? How do you find a balance between humility and insecurity? Are the two even related?

These are some questions I've had and here's my Holy Spirit infused attempt at answering them:

Humility doesn't come from examining ourselves, reading verses about how much God loves us, or even about focusing on scripture that tells us about our natural inclination to sin and where that gets us. I know that may seem counter-intuitve; but maybe, just maybe, humility doesn't actually have anything to do with us and everything to do with Him.

So then the Lord Jesus, after He had spoken to them, was taken up into Heaven and sat down at the right hand of God.

Mark 16:19

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, in Heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities- all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything He might be preeminent. For in Him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of His cross.

Colossians 1:15-20

Then I turned to see the voice that was speaking to me (John) and on turning I saw seven golden lampstands, and in the midst of the lampstands on like a son of man, clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around his chest. The hairs of his head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire, his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength. 

Revelation 1:12-16

Sitting at the right hand of God, the place of authority- that's where Jesus is. The image of the invisible God- that's what Jesus is. John saw His face and said it was like the sun shining in full strength- thats who Jesus is.

Seeing Christ for who He is today reshapes my perspective and perception of everything else in and around me. That is the root of humility- not seeing myself as more or less; not seeing others as greater or inferior; but seeing Christ as King and viewing everything else through the lens of His supremacy and might.

He doesn't exist to solve my problems. He doesn't exist to lift me up and He doesn't exist to put me down. I exist to glorify Him.

But, you know the amazing part? Even though He doesn't exist to solve my problems- He cares about them.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5: 6-7

Even though He doesn't exist to lift me up- He has a way of making me feel significant and beautiful and pursued.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:10

Even though its easy to feel like He exists to point out your imperfections, mistakes, or faults- the truth is that He came to save us from them and share His perfection with us, making us white as snow.

And we know real love in this, that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

So, next time you're seeking humility, join me in shifting your gaze out and up. Focus on Him. Spend some time simply praising Him for who He is- King Eternal.

Lord Jesus, with fears for which I have no name lurking in my heart, I trust you for freedom and grace. I'm so thankful to know you, not only as a babe wrapped in cloths lying in a manger, but also as my Savior outside an empty tomb- filled with mercy and might. And now, at my Father's right hand, you ever live to advocate and pray for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So very Amen I pray, in your fear-charming and liberating name.

Scotty Smith

Three perfect examples of blessings that Christ has given me, even though He doesn't have to. Praise Jesus for beautiful friendships, endless laughter, and donuts.

It is well with my soul

Praise the Lord, O my soul.

Psalm 146:1

A few weeks ago, I had the incredible opportunity to go home to Shawnee for Immanuel Baptist Church's Disciple Now weekend. Not only did I get to dress up like a chicken for a day, I was able to co-lead a group of sophomore girls with my sweet friend Jamie. 

On top of that, I got to tackle my little sister while in said chicken suit. It was obviously epic.

And, I was able to be encouraged my some time catching up with some pretty awesome people.

You can probably see why IBC D-Now is one of my favorite weekends of the year. But, its actually not my favorite because of everything I've just talked about. It is absolutely my favorite because God loves me enough to bring me to D-Now to lead a small group, and seems to keep me there to lead my heart into a deeper relationship with Him.

After the driest season I've experienced since becoming a Christian, the Lord used D-Now weekend to hammer a point home with me.

The highest joy of earth will not compare to the lowest joy in Heaven. 

I think that might have been what the Psalmist was getting at when he penned the words "Better is one day in Your courts than thousands elsewhere." (Psalm 84:10)

When I'm experiencing something so difficult and dry that I can't imagine an end, I can know with every ounce of confidence I have that it will be worth it because one day I'll dance in worship at the feet of the King eternal, Holy Savior, reigning on High. 

So, no matter the circumstances here on earth, I can say it is well with my soul. 

Eternity

It amazes me how I can read a certain verse multiple times during multiple seasons of life and every time, every single time, the Lord shows me something different.

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions  of the heart

Hebrews 4:12

This morning, I was studying out of The Promise by Shiela Walsh and this verse was in the reading: 

Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my Word and believes Him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgement but has passed from death to life. 

John 5:24

Its simple, right? Whoever hears His (Jesus's) Word and believes in Him (God) who sent Jesus, has eternal life. He doesn't come into judgement, (because of Christ's death on the Cross paying the penalty for sin) but has passed from death to life. 

Before, this verse has struck me because of the simplicity in receiving Christ and gaining eternal life. Hear and believe? Done! I'm not going to be judged for all those times that I missed the mark of God's holiness, whether by what I did or by what I thought or even when I did something good with the wrong intentions? Great!

Praise Jesus for these truths in this verse. 

So, if He's already hit those home with me... what is the new thing that popped out today?

Let's read that verse one more time, this time with emphasis added.

Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my Word and believes Him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgement but has passed from death to life. 

John 5:24

Now, correct me if I'm wrong... but, I'm pretty sure that this is saying I have already passed from death to life if I am a believer in Christ. 

Woah. Pause. 

Eternal life has already begun.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

I guess I've never really given it much thought, but it seemed to make sense that eternal life begins after we die in our earthly bodies and put on those shiny new things that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 5. 

But doesn't it make so much more sense that when we put our trust in God, we die to ourselves and eternal life begins then?

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

2 Corinthians 5:17

So, why does that even matter? Regardless, believers are living for eternity in the presence of our Creator, the Holy and Perfect God.

Well, let's just take a moment and relish in that statement, because that deserves some serious praise. But, seriously, what does it mean for me, today, that my eternal life has already begun?

Confidence

 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:16

Because my eternal life has already begun, I can be confident that I am sealed in Christ. There is nothing I can do that would put an end to eternity- its eternity. The very nature of eternity is that it has no end. I can stop doing. I can stop working. Instead, I can start worshipping. All the good works? Those are just an overflow of a heart full of worship. 

Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22

Gracious, if that's not good news... I'm not sure what is.

Courage

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

1 Peter 5:8-10

Satan is so annoying. Sometimes I just wonder if he doesn't have better things to do than to pick on me or the people I care about. Spiritual warfare is by no means my favorite. 

But, knowing that I already have eternal life, resisting him becomes so much easier because I know that Satan can do absolutely nothing to take that away from me. I have courage in my fight against him. Yes, he may make this life harder and he may make my spiritual journey have a few extra obstacles in it- but he has no power in choosing my destination. It's already been decided. And my ticket there? It was paid on the cross.

Boldness

I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life. And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

1 John 5:13-15

Because I am secure with Christ and have already passed from death to life, I can approach the throne boldly with my requests because of the Spirit living inside of me. He is faithful to hear. I just need to be faithful to ask.

Worth

Because I have been stamped with the seal of Christ and have already entered into eternal life, my soul is eternal. My body may be wasting away, but one day I'll get a new one. 

 

I am eternal.

And the last time I checked, eternal things go for a pretty high price. 

Joy ≠ Happiness

One of the hardest things about coming back to the States after 2 months away has been adjusting back to the pace of life. There is so much to do here! When I was living in Chacapampa, I felt like the days went on for years. In Norman, I feel like the days should be measured in seconds. Time is just a hard concept to wrap my little mind around.

All that to say, I can't believe I've been home for a month and a half. Where has the time gone? I've got two weeks of my junior year of college under my belt and I turn 21 this month. Excuse me... what? Setting aside this current mid-college crisis I've been having recently, here's what the Lord has been continuing to teach me since I've been home from Peru.

Joy ≠ Happiness

If you've seen me since I've been home and asked me "HOW WAS PERU?!?" you probably received an unexpected answer. I mean, I'm surprised by my answer every time. Before I left for Peru, I thought it was going to be the summer of my life. I thought I was going to enjoy and love every single moment and never want to come home. I thought my answer to the "How was Peru?" question would simply be that it was the greatest, most incredible experience I've ever had. Not that that isn't a little true, but overall my response is a 180 from what I expected.

Did the Lord teach me a lot while I was in Peru? Absolutely. Did I build relationships that have blessed me ten-fold? Without a doubt. Did I fall in love with a sassy Quechua woman named Nicolasa and miss her like crazy? You bet your bottom dollar. (Where did that phrase come from?)

However, did I enjoy every moment? Not by a long shot. Was I constantly happy and having that "spiritual high?" Nope. Did I ever think about coming home and leaving early? Several times. Was it probably the hardest, most challenging thing I've ever done? 100 percent- yes.

So, was it worth it? Oh yeah. 

I think that in our little American Christian culture, we've created this idea that if we're walking with God and being obedient and leaning on him for direction, we'll be happy. We'll be enjoying it. It'll be fun being in the center of His will. 

Wrong.

God's plan is so much bigger than me feeling temporary happiness, its about experiencing eternal joy.

And, sometimes, that joy comes through going through some pretty unhappy stuff.

Yes, there are absolutely times where I am so confident that I am right where the Lord has placed me and I am so happy about it. And that makes sense to me.

So what happens when I'm just as confident that I'm where the Lord wants me and I'm not happy about it?

Well, let me tell ya because I was there. I felt guilty. I felt sinful. I felt like I was experiencing something God had given me as a blessing and saying I didn't want it.

Then, I stopped looking at myself and looked up to the Creator. This is what He showed me:

If He takes you to a place where its hard for you to be obedient and you're obedient anyway, thats faithfulness.

If He takes you to a place where you don't naturally like the people around you and you serve them anyway, that's love.

If He takes you to a place where you've never felt so weak and you keep going anyway, that's strength.

After about 6 weeks of just feeling awful sitting around trying to muster up feelings of love and obedience inside of me and getting absolutely no where, I found myself on bedrest reading Mere Christianity for the 100th time.

Christian love, either towards God or towards man, is an affair of the will. If we are trying to do His will we are obeying the commandment "Love the Lord your God." He will give us feelings of love if He pleases. We cannot create them for ourselves and we must not demand them as a right. But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and, therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those since, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him.

C.S. Lewis

I wish I could take you all back to this moment for me of revelation. God is bigger than my feelings. Joy is deeper than happiness.

I have an extremely good friend who recently lost her best friend, her mom. Is she happy about that? Of course not. But, the most beautiful thing I've seen in her is the joy that lies beneath the sadness and the hurt. Underneath the feelings, she is confident that Christ is bigger than death and this world. That, my friends, is joy.

So, what's next? 

I have no idea.

All I know is that no matter what season of life I'm in, God is bigger. He is bigger than other people's choices that hurt me. He is bigger than the happiest moment of my life and He is bigger than the saddest. His plans are bigger. I'm just glad I get to be a part of them.

Sweet Home Piscigranja

The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentence.

2 Peter 3:9

Gracious, is anyone else a little overwhelmed that the reason that the Lord hasn´t come back in glory is because He is patient toward us all? All. Not just me, not just you. All includes my sweet friend Nicolasa who runs a little bodega on the ¨curve¨ in Chacapampa, Peru. All includes my friend Erika who knows how to dream big dreams. All includes sweet baby Annalee who always has a smile on her face. All includes the sassiest Quechua woman living on the mountain who finds joy in calling me gringa.  

God´s love... well, its for us all. I´ve always known that, but it is a whole other thing to experience the Holy Spirit going before you like He did for John the Baptist to open hearts so that people would seek and savor His presence. 

 The people of Chacapampa are absolutely beautiful and funny and sassy and caring and hospitable.

They welcome us, three really tall gringas and our incredible friend Edher, into their homes and feed us and listen to us. And it is a beautiful picture.

So, here is what my week generally looks like:

Monday: Sabbath day. This generally includes a lot of reading for me and washing my hair. (YES!) Fun fact of the day, we don´t really have a shower... so it may have been 3.5 weeks since I had taken a shower when we got to Huancayo for mid-summer break. Oops.

Tuesday: I get up REALLY early and go work with Nicolasa in her bodega. Basically, that means that I sit there and talk to her while she cooks, act as a waitress for the people who come in for their 3 sole breakfast, and read the bible aloud if we have downtime. For her, she cooks and tries her hardest to find me a Peruvian husband so I can stay in Chacapampa forever. She is absolutely incredible and has the biggest heart. Please join me in prayer that the Lord will open her heart to want to grow in His Word even after we leave and that she would find mercy and grace in her time of need. Tuesday afternoons we get on a super sketchy bus and head up the mountain to Anticocha where our friend Rita lives. We teach english at the school, share a bible story at a knitting meeting, and freeze our tushes off at night. Rita is so hospitable to let us stay with her on Tuesday nights- but let me say, there is just something strange with going to the bathroom in 35 degree weather with sheep staring at you. (Toilets arent exactly common here.) Please pray that more women would feel led to attend the knitting meetings and that their hearts would be open there. They need a community to grow with, please pray for that to rise up! Rita also has the 4 most beautiful daughters. (Nicole, Karen, Anita, and Emily) They are all really young and call us ¨hermana,¨ my heart melts every time. And Anita, well she is pretty much exactly like my sister as a child- too cute for her own good and super mischevious. Please pray that those sweet girls would grow up in love with our Savior!

Wednesday: We leave Anticocha on a combi (like a van) and head back down to Chacapampa. One week, Aubrey and I missed the combi and so we had to hike down the mountain for about an hour and a half to get home. The Holy Spirit fell down and we were speaking Spanish that we have never learned before with these 2 women that walked with us. It was... breathtaking.  In the afternoon, Aubrey and Hannah coach volleyball and at night we go to the library with the beautiful and humble and amazing Peruvian missionary, Liz, and help the kids learn how to read. I don´t know that I´ve ever read Peter Pan more times... and I love it.

Thursday: I spend my mornings with Nicolasa again, which is always an adventure. In the afternoons, we are supposed to teach the oldest grade at the high school- but we have yet to have a chance because something always comes up to where they get out of school early. Please pray that the Lord will open doors for us to minister there! Thursday nights we are back in the library. I guess I should mention that the sun goes down at 6 and there isn´t a lot to do after that, so we are typically asleep by 8:30 pm and awake by 6:30 am or 7. For about a week and a half we haven´t had electricity, so we go to sleep earlier because there is only so much you can do with a flashlight. But, its not too bad. Please pray that we have electricity soon though, because we don´t have a good way to keep the meat that we are bringing up from Huancayo.

Friday: BUSY DAY. We teach in the morning and early afternoon the first 4 grades of the high school. Last week, we were able to share the gospel in each class. It was amazing. God is so faithful to provide. After school, we have a few girls over to study the bible and it might be my favorite time of the week. Please pray that their eyes would be open to scripture and that they would thirst to know Christ more! We want it to be a conversation, not us teaching them the whole time- so please pray that they wouldn´t be shy to ask questions and share opinions! Friday night we head off to another knitting meeting and Liz shares a bible story. I love knitting meetings... and I am in the process of knitting a scarf. We´ll see how that goes...

Saturday: We have generally been trying to work in the fields on Saturday morning/afternoon. I am basically a master at shucking corn, just so everyone knows. We try to share bible stories as we work alongside the people in the fields. Its absolutely incredible how relatable their culture and lifestyle is to most of the parables that Jesus tells. I absolutely love it. Saturday night we go to another kntting meeting. Please pray for the leader of that meeting to be encouraged!

Sunday: It usually depends, but for the most part we are preparing for church and inviting people to church. Church happens at 6 pm and last time we had 4 people come. Praise Jesus! Please pray for leadership to rise up for the believers in Chacapampa to have a consistent time to meet together and encourage one another.

So, that´s our week. I am so blessed by my team- Hannah has the kindest heart and knows the Word of God like the back of her hand, its beautiful. Aubrey has so much joy and her jokes keep me sane. She is so willing to follow Christ wherever He leads, even if she is scared. Goodness, I love them. Edher is our wonderful translator from Lima and we tend to refer to him as the MVP of the team. He is the only completely bilingual person on the team, cooks the most delicious food, and is hands down a better source of entertainment than any tv show. The way they all love the Lord makes me want to love Him more. Please pray for encouragement for us and that we would continue to grow together in unity through Christ!

Today we are heading back to Chacapampa to finish out the last half of the summer. In 3.5 weeks, we will be saying goodbye to our sweet friends. I am so ready to be home and see my family and friends, but at the same time... its hard to imagine not having Nicolasa scold me for not eating enough every day.

Not only has ministering to these people taught me so much, but in the mountains you have so few distractions that its hard not to get still before the Lord and let Him speak. I´m so thankful for how He has been using the gentle whisper, and sometimes a big fire, to speak to my heart and grow me to hopefully look a little more like Him every day.

Behold, I am a servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.

Mary in Luke 2:38

I love Mary. I think I would have been having a major panic attack if I had just found out that I was going to be the mother of the SON OF GOD. But Mary, oh, she just answers in humble obedience. Jesus, make me more like her!

God is so faithful to uphold His word, its in His very nature. This trip has shown me that I need to take God at His Word, because chances are pretty good that He is going to fulfill every promise in the Bible.

In Isaiah 6, Isaiah answers the call of the Lord to go to the people and preach. We love this verse when we are going on missions- Here I am Lord, send me! But, how often do we continue reading and find that the people Isaiah was to minister to were never going to see the Lord. I honestly don´t know if I could answer that kind of call.

This trip, God has shown me the importance of faithfulness in ministry and not necessarily fruitfulness. Do I want every person in Chacapampa to come to know the Lord? Absolutely! But if not a soul gets saved while I´m here this summer, God is still sovereign and I am still here for a reason. 

Let us then, with confidence, draw near to the throne of grace; that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:16

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

1 Corinthians 12:10

... we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God´s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5: 3-5

I´m trying to type something that explains how the Lord has used these verses to work on destroying my ¨doer¨mentality and my pride, but I just can´t find the words. It has been the biggest truth He has been constantly laying on my heart.

While I am relying on my ability to serve and read and talk and even walk, I am leaning on my strength. But when I get to a point where I realize that I can´t do a single thing without the Lord, then I can experience His overwhelming strength. With some pretty heavy knee problems and a really gross sickness, I am absolutely weak. Its hard to live in a mountain village. Its exhausting. Its overwhelming at times. Sometimes, I have absolutely no idea what I am doing or why the Lord has brought me here. I miss home and flushing my toilet paper down the toilet.

But, those are the moments when I see God work the most- when I am about 20 miles past my breaking point. When I am weak, then I am strong. 

Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son and shall call His name Immanuel.

Isaiah 7:14

And lastly, I have been learning to enjoy the simplicity of the gospel. God created man, we fell to sin and can´t break the habit. In order to be made right with the holy and perfect God, who is the source of all good things, we need a perfect sacrifice. Lucky for us undeserving sinners, God is love and sent His Son to live a sinless life and die a horrendous death on the cross for OUR sins. Three days later, He rose. He conquered death and He is reigning on high, patiently waiting to return.

Hallelujah, what a Savior.





Sisterhood

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

2 Timothy 2:22

A lot can happen in 2 years. I graduated high school, I changed my major, I've lost some loved ones, and I've gained some incredible friends- maybe even the best friend I'll ever have.

2 years ago, my best friend didn't like me much. Honestly, she despised me and I wasn't completely innocent- I was selfish and prideful and didn't know how to listen. 

2 years ago, the idea of her willingly walking through the doors of Immanuel Baptist Church was a distant dream that I knew wasn't likely to happen any time soon. 

And then something changed-

The summer after I graduated from high school, I bribed my sister to come to Falls Creek. She was grounded and it must have seemed better than sitting at home for a week.  So, she came. I don't know what I expected going into that week, but the Lord had it worked out since the beginning of time.

After the first few days, everyone could see something beginning to change. On Wednesday, I got to lead my sister in the prayer of salvation. To say it was the sweetest, most precious moment of my life would be an incredible understatement.  

A few weeks later, I was leaving for college. A year before that, right before I entered my senior year of high school, I began writing in a journal to my sister about Christ and His role in the life of a believer. My friends wrote incredible letters of encouragement, my disciplers contributed their written prayers. When we started writing that, my sister was completely opposed to the idea of following Christ. When I gave it to her, she was a new believer completely consumed with love for the Lord.

Not only did my friends and disciplers write in that journal, they had been joining me in prayer for Bryse for years. I am so thankful for their commitment to prayer. 

2 years ago, I didn't think it was possible for my sister to have a conversation with me that lasted over 5 minutes. Today, she is my best friend. 

This weekend, I was able to go home to Shawnee and attend all 4 services at Immanuel Baptist Church. Why would I do such a thing? Because my little sister, my best friend, was sharing what the Lord has been doing in her life. 

My heart is so full of joy and pride and love. If one day I can say that I love Jesus as passionately and genuinely as Bryse does, I would be so humbled. She is so wise. She is so knowledgable of scripture. She craves to do the will of God. She loves people deeply. She follows the Lord wholeheartedly. 

I don't know if I've ever met a person that can relate to more people than my sister. She has definitely never met a stranger, and I doubt that she has ever met someone that she doesn't call a friend. 

I am so blessed to call you, my little sister, my best friend. I look up to you in so many ways. You always say that I am your inspiration, but let me tell you- you are truly mine. I am so proud of you. The Lord is so faithful and you are so beautiful.

For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,and his incomparably great power for us who believe. 

That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.  And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.
Ephesians 1: 15-23

I know what you're thinking... "Man, I really wish I could hear what Bryse had to say at Immanuel on Sunday." 


Well, you're in luck because I pulled the ultimate proud big sister move and recorded it for your viewing pleasure.

  

All I Need

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

This has been a funny week.

It is so funny how God can use what seems like such a great disappointment to show my heart how much He loves me. Ok, maybe funny isn't the perfect adjective... but I'm just not sure how else to word it.

For the past 6 months or so, I've known that I am going to spend my summer in Peru and I have been so excited. 


I am excited to live simply, love deeply, and serve daily.  


I am excited to speak Spanish all day long and to build new friendships. 

So, what's the problem? 


I've been excited about my ability to do all of these things. I was resting in the opportunity the Lord had given me to go and the excitement of living abroad serving Him. 

This is hard to explain, but my excitement about all of these things rested in the experience and the stories I would have to tell about it- not in the reality of actually going. 


Until this week, Peru has been an idea.  


I knew I was going eventually, but it still hadn't sunk in.

Well, it has now sunk in. 

And I'm scared. 

And I don't know what to expect. 

I think this is what He wants me to do for the rest of my life... and what if I don't like it?

Last week, I prayed that God would humble me. I prayed that He would show me that I can't go to Peru without Him- that everything I do will be because of Him. 


The thing is, I'm not sure I thought He would take that seriously.

Well, He did- and I am so thankful.  


I'm not saying that it is good to be nervous, or anxious, or scared- but I am saying that before, I didn't recognize my dependence on the Lord to get me through this summer. I was just excited! 


But I needed to be humbled. 


I need Him to show me that His power is made perfect in my weakness. 

If I don't recognize my weakness, how much do I see His power?

... Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

So, here I am- boasting gladly in my weaknesses so that His power may rest on me.

I don't know what to expect. 

The Lord will watch over your coming and going, 
both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121:8

I'm nervous about feeling lonely.

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

I think He wants me to do this for the rest of my life... and what if I don't like it?

 ^"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. 
“They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen.  
If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."

Jeremiah 29: 11-13 

You see, I don't know what this summer holds for me- but i know that He holds my heart. I know it will be good and I know He is there.

And that is all I need. 

The Before

I think my blog feels neglected. It has been almost 2 months since I've last blogged- you'd think I'm busy or something. (Insert sarcastic chuckle here)

So, here's my life lately:

God is good.  


I'm running 13.1 miles 3 weeks from today. I'm more than a little nervous, especially since my fearless running partner (my dad) has ditched me to run solo. Rude. 


I'm less than 40 days from being halfway done with college.  I think I'm having a mid-college crisis because of it. I have this strange combination of fear of big girl world and a desire to be doing something bigger inside my heart. It's a bit of an issue. But, God is faithful. He has put me in Norman during this season of life for a reason! 

Oh, and I'm about to leave for 8 weeks in Peru. I suppose that's a pretty big chunk of my life right now...

Just kidding, that's a huge chunk of my life right now. 

I am so excited. 

I have always heard about all that God does in a person's heart during a mission trip. I've heard about the effects of a mission trip on a person's life after they return home.  

Maybe this is just me, but I thought that before a mission trip, all you do is prepare for the during. 

I think God is slowly proving every theory I've ever come up with on my own wrong- and I'm definitely not upset about it. 

The Creator of the entire universe has been using the time before I leave for Peru to teach me about favor and family and provision. 

All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had. The apostles testified powerfully to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and God’s great blessing was upon them all.  There were no needy people among them, because those who owned land or houses would sell them and bring the money to the apostles to give to those in need.

 For instance, there was Joseph, the one the apostles nicknamed Barnabas (which means “Son of Encouragement”). He was from the tribe of Levi and came from the island of Cyprus.  He sold a field he owned and brought the money to the apostles.

Acts 4:32-37

There are a few things that stick out to me about this passage, but the one I want to share today is the bolded phrase- "God's great blessing was upon them all."

That is the New Living Translation.  My English Standard Version says it like this- "great grace was upon them all."

Do you see the all part? Praise Jesus. 

Let's back up. What was happening in the passage? 

The apostles were testifying about Christ.  All the believers were sharing everything they had so that the apostles could testify. And you know what the Word of God says? It says that God's great blessing or His great grace was given to them all. It wasn't just given to the ones testifying, or even to the ones providing for the apostles, it was for them all. 

Friends, that is the church- one part can't function without the other. 

Over the last week, I have been absolutely astounded at the number of people who are so willing to pray for my trip. I am surrounded by some prayer warriors and it is so encouraging. 

I have been so humbled by the Lord's provision through so many people. Words can not describe how He is using friends and family to pour blessing on this selfish, prideful, and wounded sinner's heart. I am so blessed. I am so humbled.

If you are reading this and you are one of the people I am talking about- thank you. 

I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.

Ephesians 1:16

I am so undeserving and God is so faithful.

So, I have a favor to ask everyone. Would you please pray for me? for the people of Peru? for the fellowship of my team? for the safety of the trip? for the encouragement of my parents?

I can't imagine how hard it is to let your 20 year old daughter go spend 62 days on another continent.  I am so blessed by their support and encouragement. 

 Bless the Lord, O my soul

and all that is within me 

bless His holy name!

Psalm 103:1

Did I mention the blessing of my sister? She is the coolest.

But, that's another blog.